Parting Words

One of my daughter’s friends lost her mother unexpectedly over the weekend.  The loss is compounded by so many other voids:  this girl lived with her mother and grandmother, and was hundreds of miles away at boarding school when she learned of her mother’s death.  The worst part was that the daughter had regretted leaving her mother to return to school, an eerily prescient discontent that certainly haunts me, if not her.

As a parent, my heart goes out to her, but since I don’t know her personally, for now I will keep my distance.  She has enough to digest without having to respond to condolences from a stranger.  Later, I will send her something: a card, a small gift, a cartoon or picture; some kind of ‘real’ mail that mothers like to send to absent children.

But nothing I can do or send can make the situation better.  Her world is now permanently changed.

Most of all, I wish I could send her her mother’s love, her words, her hopes and aspirations for her daughter.  I didn’t know this woman, but as a mom, I would imagine her list would include remarks like these:

1. Do your best.
2. Don’t give up.
3. Try harder.
4. Be nice to people, but don’t be a doormat.  Never be afraid to stand up for yourself.
5. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it, learn from it and move on.
6. Help others and don’t be afraid to ask for help yourself.
7. Eat your vegetables, get enough sleep, and exercise.
8. Hold on to your dreams, no matter how unrealistic they seem to others.  They will keep you going as you endure disappointment, loss, and frustration.
9. Value your life.  Even though you may think “how can I make a difference?”, never doubt that you can, and will.
10. Find others to love who can love and will love you back.
11. Remember that my love is eternal and will always be there for you, even when I’m not.

 

The list seems so inadequate.  But to not respond to this girl’s loss would be cowardly.  So, to her, and to anyone who has lost a loved one recently, I wish you peace.